Whoow

After church today Scott and I were sitting at a table with the pastors family, whom we are pretty close to. At which point Tina (pastors wife) wanted to "discuss" something with us in the fire side room. Well, Tina hears God. Really hears Him. And she has had this thought about us on her heart for many months, but today was "our" day, as she described it.

I knew what was going on. I knew what she wanted to talk about. As soon as we got in the room the tears start to flow. I'm grabbing Kleenex like it's last call. I look up at her all shiny eyed, red faced, blubber lipped and a nodded my head yes, when she acknowledge the pain the heartache.

Yesterday was a bad for me. I was late, a whole five days late I woke up Saturday with AF there to greet me. That B*****! I was sad, angry and really needed Scott to be with me. All Friday I let myself get excited about my lateness. I was alone and had no distraction from my own head. I thought of all the great things I now/possibly might get to do. How we're going to tell our families? What color to paint the baby room? Where is the baby room going to be? Hear the heart beat. See the baby. Develop a birthing plan...all that great and exciting stuff. Well, that was one half of me, the half my other half wants to kill. The other half of me, the negative half, the one I have become more like, she kept telling, "this is nothing. Wait until you have a positive pregnancy test, heck, wait until you give birth, then get excited." See, she's better for me, right?
Anyway, hopes and dreams smashed once again.

Scott came home to a wet, sobbing, ugly wife. He hugged me and said his usual bit. "This will happen. We just need to be patient."...I don't react well to this, in my head, but he's trying. We head to pick up his car from the mechanic. I drove while Scott was telling about his insanely boring fishing adventure the night before (his words). I'm wearing my sunglasses trying to listen and attempting to hide my bottomless well of tears. We get to the shop, I drop him off and try to speak without causing more tears to fall. I have never been able to talk and cry or talk and not cry. I drove, back home. And now that I'm alone I can really wail! I take a shower and gather myself for the triple date we were getting ready for that night.

As Tina started to pray there was no holding back. I had the crying tremors, the stuttered inhale, through nose and mouth, the mascara soaked tissue, and sweating palms, pits and under boob. A circus show? Yeah. Scott too, started to cry. He had happy tear? What, happy! I had the this-situation-totally-sucks-but-someone-is-praying-for-me-and-I-am-so-incredibly-blessed-to-have-this-woman-in-my-life-who-is-wanting-to-do-this-for-me-but-this-still-totally-SUCKS tears. It was a lengthy pray, silent at times. But, it was what I needed. Months back, like a year...he mentioned that we should ask Tina to pray with us. I considered the idea but sluffed it off thinking there's more important things in the world to pray about. Selfless? I know.

After, we sat in silence. Well, not total silence, I was still shacking on the couch. Tear overload. Tremors now a full blown seizure. Hot/wet/sweaty mess. Anytime I feel awkward humor gets the best of me. I asked Scott, "Did you tell her?" He shook his head no. More tears. He went on to tell Tina and I that after the car exchange the day before he prayed for me. More tears. Tina explained to us that today while she watched me help lead worship God had put this on her heart. She wasn't sure what our "problem" was but she knew we needed prayer. It was our day. MORE TEARS. I tried to little the mood by saying, "good guess". But I knew it wasn't a guess "God is here" she said. Com'on! More tears! God and his perfect timing.

She gave us hugs after I collected as much of myself as I could. But, not to disappoint as soon as I got my Tina-bear-type-hug the tears started to flow once again down that familiar face stream I've created. She apologized for making me cry again. I said "it's never ending" (I cry at everything. Even a Duracell battery commercial) Tina said, "God holds all our tears in a bottle." "Mines getting pretty full", I joked. "He just a gets a bigger bottle." Tina finished.

I love that woman.
What a morning!

Now off to a baby shower.